I’m a Facebook whore.
I’ve loved it since day one.
I’m nosy. If
you’re my friend, know that I’ve looked at all your photos. Probably more than once. I know your kids names, and what they look
like.
My personal page is reserved for my personal
friends, or people I’ve actually met. Or
saw. Or passed by in the hallways at
school 20 years ago. You know, people I’m
close with.
For somebody with anxiety and social awkwardness it’s
a perfect platform to jump into conversations with people. Not
that I would know personally…*whoo whoo whoo (that’s the sound of me
whistling-except I’m really just blowing and spitting out my pie hole because I
can’t whistle. And that’s NOT why I hate the sound of whistling-in case you
thought so. Dennis)
I keep it real, except…there are a few of you that
make me want to punch you in the face.
You’re always fishing on facebook. Fishing for attention, and comments for your
comments.
You’re writing cliffhangers… “Well
that was the worst moment ever in my
life…I can’t believe that just happened…”
If we care about you, we will comment even if you tell us the ending
without forcing us to ask. "Aw“,
what’s wrong. PLEASE tell me what
happened, the suspense is KILLING me.”
If you’re doing this, I’m ignoring you and telling Dennis you’re an
idiot, so stop.
And maybe you’re all “Is this thing on? Tap-tap the microphone. Is anybody out
there?” Look. Nobody is commenting on your stupid comment
because it was stupid. Or you left us
with a cliffhanger and we don’t really care about what happened. We all just tried to forget you said it and
moved on, but here you are fishing. Stop
it.
And shut up about you’re dirty laundry. I’m being polite when I say dirty laundry. What I’m talking about is your train wreck of
a life. Don’t write a fucking novel
about how the dude you’re with is cheating on you. Again.
Then write a novel about how you’re back together two days later. “Like,
Oh my Gawd…I have the Best. Boyfriend. Ever!!!<3<3” No.
You don’t. He’s a douche
bag. He fucked some other chick, and you
found out about it. He is not the
BEST. He’s an asswad. I’m not happy for you. There really are guys out there who would be
the best boyfriend ever, but you’re too busy wasting your time with this
jackhole. Get a grip.
And you Debbie-Downers. WTF. I’m
here to have a laugh and snoop through your photos, not be forced to ride
shot-gun on your roller coaster of a life that apparently has no ups, or at least
you’re not sharing that part of the
ride. Everyday it’s the same shit, but
about different shit. Shut up. And give me one of your Xanax. You’ve depressed me. And they’re obviously not doing you any good.
You know who you are.
Knock it off.
Bwahahaha... one of my favs!
ReplyDeleteFunny Funny! -Shawn
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog.
ReplyDeleteI can't really relate, because 99.9 of my "friends" on facebook are people I don't really even know - lol
This is by far the truest post I've ever read!
ReplyDeleteSeriously people...stop it!
Love this. Truer words never spoken. I have to admit, I have employed the "Block Post" button on several people because of exactly some of the reasons you posted above. I know they know I've blocked them too, because now I never like or post on anything they post anymore at all. Ever.
ReplyDelete*High 5* I'm with you on the whole diarrhea of the mouth thing. Have some sort of a filter because "airing your dirty laundry" on Facebook is not attractive on any level. My account has be deactivated for the past two weeks. Goodbye FB. Andrea @ be-quoted.com visiting from SITS.
ReplyDeletehahaha..I wrote out something like this once but never had the guts to publish it. I hate what they call "vague-booking" which is when someone says something like, "Oh, I can't believe that happened!" or "My life is ruined!" And doesn't follow up. What's the point of putting it out there if you won't supply the meat of the story?
ReplyDeleteI also have friends who complain 20 times a day on Facebook. I wonder how stimulating their jobs are if they can get on Facebook 20 times a day!
Absolute riot, and SO very true. Love your frank, open honesty!!
ReplyDeleteHaaaa!! Absolutely 100% perfect!
ReplyDelete~It's why you like me
OH Crap! Now you have me scrolling my feed worrying if I've said ANY of that...well except the boyfriend shit cos I'm too old for that..
ReplyDeleteThanks for hooking up at the Hump Day Hook Up
Preach it, sister. I deliberately ignore that shit, because I'm over here trying not to be a troll. Some people make it hard to be decent.
ReplyDeleteI hate those cliffhangers too - so annoying that they are fishing for attention. I also can't stand "Went for a 3 mile run, baked cookies, cleaned my oven, and learned Russian - all before 10 am" updates. Yeah, you're great. Whatever.
ReplyDeleteI'm so with you (and you're hilarious, by the way). It makes me particularly crazy when the cliffhanger is all "worst day EVER" and after others pry (I'm not going to, I couldn't give less of a shit - except I did go back and look so clearly I'm part of the problem) the person responds with some gem like "dry cleaner ruined my sweater" - seriously? That's your 'worst day EVER'? Sign me up. Also, I'm so disturbed by the posts about some horrendous attack or abuse when at the end it says "Like" if you're against child abuse but if you're for child abuse, just ignore." That makes me want to drive to the person's house and slap them (but not if they're a child because I am not pro child abuse even if I did ignore them asking me to "Like" it.) I could totally keep going...I guess this post struck a nerve.
ReplyDelete