What I learned at college

I went back to college this past fall.

The first day in Children’s Literature I sat next to a girl who came in late to class.  She spent the entire hour and a half yawning without covering her mouth.  Apparently she was in such a rush to get there she didn’t have time to brush her teeth.  The second day was not better, it was exactly the same.  The third day I sat in a different seat.

My new seat smelled better, but it came with a price.  The girl behind me was a needy conversationalist who tested my patience and ability to keep my mouth shut.  She blurted out random comments hoping for anyone to engage her in conversation.  Occasionally someone would respond, but most of the time her words just hung in silence.  She was taking 3 classes, didn’t know how she was going to read a whole book in a week, worked at Marcos Pizza and was moving in with her boyfriend.  It’s just some information I gathered from the conversations she had with no one.

Since learning Philosophy is like banging your head against the wall, the college offered a study group for people who wanted to pass the class.  There were 7 of us who attended regularly.  One morning a girl said to me, “You don’t have to answer this, but how old are you?”  The group leader was instantly uncomfortable.  I assured her it was okay, smiled and said the wrong thing.  “How old do you guys think I am?”  The girl next to me said, “Well, my mom is 35.  You’re probably 38?”  I said, “What? I look older than your mom?!  I’m 36!  But I’m ok with that.  I’ve been where you guys are-young, inexperienced and broke.  After class when you get in your piece of shit car and drive to your crap job I’m going to get in my nice car and drive home to my own house and do whatever the hell I want!”  I’m sure they were all sick with jealousy.  Or thought I was a lunatic.  Most likely jealous though.

One semester of community college and 9 credit hours later I’ve learned some things.

a.     Young people are annoying.

b.     I am pretty smart.

c.     There are way too many young women who do not wash their hands after going to the bathroom.

d.     I’m a germ-a-phob.

e.      I hate people

f.       I like to write.

g.     I don’t like to have to be somewhere early in the morning.

h.     The only difference between a college cafeteria and a high school cafeteria is one is located in a college.

i.       Public computer keyboards are disgusting.

j.       I don’t work well in groups.

k.     Getting a degree takes a lot, A LOT, a lot of hard work, time and effort.

l.       I don’t think I want a degree anymore.