Bedtime routines

I was a good baby momma.  I’ve always known the importance of a good bedtime routine.  Since day one of my children’s lives it has always been take a bath, brush your teeth, jammie time and a bedtime story.

Now they are older and the routine has changed slightly.

Showers instead of baths, brush teeth, put on pajamas and quiet reading time…well, sometimes some reading.  Ok, not so much reading. They’re usually playing some apps or watching something stupid on You Tube instead of reading on the Kindles.  I’m not naïve, I just don’t care anymore.

It’s not a new plan.  It’s been the same plan since forever.  So why is it every night I tell them to get ready for bed they look at me like I just told them to cut off their fingers?  They’ve had years of training on how the bedtime routine goes. 

Suddenly they lose muscle function and have amnesia.  My words have the power to turn them into a puddle of goo and suck their brains out so they can’t remember how to do anything.

I have to stand there like a dictator, prodding them along telling them to brush their teeth and get their PJs on like it’s the first damn time they’re getting ready for bed.

It’s amazing how many things they remember they HAVE to do once it’s time for lights out.

“But, wait.  I need a drink.  But wait, I think I have to pee.  But, wait.  I forgot to brush my teeth.”

I’ve gradually picked up my own bedtime routine as a result.  It’s called wine.  Then I fall asleep on the couch.

I’m slowly going insane.  Dennis says I’m already there.